Sunday, March 14, 2010

Why, Old Lady, Why?

Why, exactly, did the old woman feel that she needed to swallow all of those other things?? Swallowing a fly isn't really that big of a deal. It would have dissolved in her stomach acids, and that would have been the end of it. Why she felt the need to intervene in such a dramatic way does not make sense. Could she not see where it was all going? I mean, she did do pretty good. She got as far as the horse before she died. That's a major accomplishment and should qualify her for some kind of an eating record. But, come on, did she really expect to be able to swallow a horse and live to tell about it? She must have been a bit senile. Maybe she should have been in a home, is all I'm saying. She probably shouldn't have been left on her own. There is a valuable lesson in here, I believe. If you have an elderly loved on who feels the need to swallow live animals whole, you might want to question their mental state and take appropriate measures to insure a tragedy of this scale never happens again. Sad. So sad.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Author of the Day: Leo Tolstoy

Today's "Author of the Day" is Leo Tolstoy, just like the title of this blog post suggests.

Tolstoy, as most people know, is most famous for having three toes on his left foot and six toes on his right. He was named after a lion who had a similar name: Leo. The moniker reflected his nature - furry, yellow, laid around a lot, ate his meat raw.

He was a very prolific writer, a man truly ahead of his time. He wrote the autobiographical books Tolstoy 1 and Tolstoy 2, which were later brought to the silver screen. Marketer's changed the titles of the movies, feeling that Toy Story would appeal to a wider audience.

A great love of his was acting. He is best known for playing the role of "creepy, boring, pointy-eared alien #1" on the original Star Trek television show, alongside "odd speaking hunk and alien chick magnet #1". He also released a number of hit singles that no one listened to.

He married twice. His first marriage ended when his wife didn't show up to their wedding. His second marriage was more successful, making it to the honeymoon phase before rupturing. Heartache led to depression which led to an addiction to snorting ink directly from ink wells. Friends would see that black ring around his nostril and know that he was "on the ink" again. Eventually, he was able to kick the ink habit, but the damage it had done to his career, his reputation, his finances and his nose was irreversible.

And there you have it! Today's "Author of the Day", Leo Tolstoy.

Monday, March 1, 2010


Okay, okay, okay. My hopes and dreams of writing in this blog more often have not come to fruition. This doesn't mean I'm not writing, however. I was thinking about it, and realized that I am constantly writing, and practicing and getting my brain going, it's just in a more micro-blogging/social media kind of way. With facebook and twitter, etc., I'm always writing something. It's either a status update or a response to someones status update, or a response to someone who responded to my status update, or comments on photos. After I'm done doing all of that, I'm done. I've done my writing for the day. Staying at home with my son takes up most of the day. So, when I do any writing it is at night. And, I tend to be pretty tired by, say, 8pm. Therefore, my blog output has been minimal.

There. I've justified my lack of blog posts. Ha!