Monday, May 27, 2013

When Comedy Gets Weird: A Rant Against Douches

Okay, so, I've been doing this comedy thing that I haven't actually blogged about for some reason. Well, now I'm blogging about it here, so I can't say I haven't blogged about it anymore.

Here's the deal. I like doing comedy, right? By comedy, I mean the stand up front of people. I'm what one would call an amateur. And by amateur I mean that I am still actually working my way up to a level where I could be called an amateur. I am sub-amateur shall we say. But, I'm working on it, and I think I have improved from the first dark days of trying out comedy.

But, let's cut to the core of what I want to write about here. Tonight, at an open mic night that I regularly attend, was the first time I got truly pissed off and angry about a situation that happened. And by angry, I mean....well, angry. Now, this open mic that I regularly attend is a good, fun open mic. The people there are supportive, nice, easy going and the all important supportive. That part is so important that I put it there twice in the same sentence.

So, tonight, for some reason, this guy shows up at the open mic event who I had never seen before though apparently he has done comedy a time or two. Now, as far as I am concerned, when it comes to open mic, the more the merrier. It's always great to see new people come out and take part. Hey, that's where we all started, right? You have to start somewhere. And even if you are crappy, heck, you gave it a shot and you deserve credit for that.

But, then we get this guy. How do I best describe him? Well, I have to say that I really hate the word douche or douche bag. It's just not a very nice word that kind of makes me want to gag. I usually stay clear of it. It's just too unpleasant. However, in this case, I think it's perfectly warranted. We shall call this guy Douche McDoucheFace Douche Bag Double Douche. Yes, this is how poorly I saw this pretentious, self loving, backward hat wearing, cocky little wiener McDouche head!

What pissed me off was this. He had with him this group of his little douche bag buddies who obviously came along to support him. It was obvious because they were completely disinterested in any of the other comedians as they played pool and chatted loudly. Now, seriously, it is a bar, and I don't have a problem with people doing their bar things while comedians are on stage. These are things that we can't control and have to work with. BUT, Mr Douchey Douche himself wasn't even paying attention to a word we said. Everytime I looked over, he had his back to us, laughing with his friends, hanging out and just basically ignoring everyone on stage while his douchey buddies carried on as if nothing was happening on stage. And Mr. Popularity McDouche did have a lot of friends there, for some reason. Did he text everyone he knew to come out, cheer him on and blatantly ignore everyone else? Sure seemed like he did.

And then his name was called to come on stage. And the room fell silent. The pool tables cleared and crowd gathered around. And this is the point where I wanted to throw beer bottles. You fucking fucker fuckfaces! You ignore everyone else throughout the fact, talk OVER everyone all night, and then when your little douche bag of a friend get's on stage, then you rally around him. FUCK!

Look, whether you fuckers care our not, all the rest of the comedians there work hard week in and week out, trying to become better comics, working to create a weekly event that is enjoyable and fun for all. Everyone is welcome and support is given. It's a great comedy night in the city for that very reason. Please, please, respect what we are trying to do. This little douche and his friends did NOT respect what we do, or us for that matter. And it made me angry.

And this is where it got weird.

The obviously slightly inebriated little douche had some kind of spiritual awakening in front of our very eyes which was about the farthest thing from comedy one can possibly get. I wanted to laugh, but it was just too weird to laugh at. Apparently, he is in the middle of some kind of spiritual crisis and he decided to turn the stage into a pulpit, telling us how wonderful Jesus is. Oh really? Oh that's interesting. You are half drunk on a stage after being a douche to all the comedians present and then all of a sudden you are some kind of Jesus follower? Which part of Jesus' teachings say "Thou shall go to the bar and make a mockery of a comedy open mic, get drunk and have thy douchy friends treat the other comics like background noise."?

Dude, you aren't a Christian. You are a Douchian.

So, yes, I was angry. I was very angry in fact at the disrespect I felt every comedian was shown. It was uncalled for, mean spirited, immature, childish, ignorant, arrogant and horrible. Now, if the guy shows up again and is let up on stage, you know what, if he wants to do comedy, hey that's cool. If he actually tells a few jokes and at least acts like he's trying, that's cool. If his friends don't treat the rest of the folks there like scum, great. I will support him. I believe in supporting other comics. It's a hard thing to do to get up on stage and try to piece together 5 minutes of material with the hopes of entertaining people. It really is. And I support my fellow comics, because I know it is a challenge for each and every one of them. So, making a complete mockery of everything we all try to do by being a complete douche just pisses me off. But, if you want to tell jokes and work at have my support, whether I like your material or not.

Moral of the story....don't treat your fellow comics like shit, and tell your douchy friends to do the same.

ADDITION: Oh, and I forgot one of the best parts of it all. After the douche leaves the stage and all his friends surround him and shower him with love, he and all his friends LEAVE. There was still another comedian who went up, and he was good! But, no, they couldn't even be bothered to stick around. Another slap in the face. Just a sad display.

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